On God and Religion #2

Free-write #2 (copied directly from my notes)

Disclaimer: the narrator is not supposed to represent my own views.

Eulogy 7

Allow me to be blunt: we’re all going to hell. No one denies this—no one whose words match their inner thoughts. It’s considered as much a maxim as self-consciousness and gravity—a constant, albeit much more harrowing, presence. And who’s to blame for this is no secret—hence our guilt. Whereas Jesus placed himself on the cross with knowing intent, we manage the same end while stumbling—no matter which direction we choose to fall, we fall. Some of the greatest amongst us have recognized such helpless foolishness for what it is, and promptly took their own lives. Is this what is to be done? Should we eradicate ourselves from this tragic comedy?

I am much more optimistic. I propose the opposite—at least at present. “Go forth and multiply.” Kind words to the damned—advice to the addicted, to those whose sin is combined, necessarily, with any and all action, to us (you, the reader, and me—Hello). Allow yourselves your carnal pleasure. I would say that it is your “duty,” but it is usually the case that such sinners don’t speak in such terms honestly (perhaps I am no exception, but it is no matter). Nonetheless, I will explain the benefits to others, the only “others” worth mentioning in conversations of moral possibility (there is no need to explain the benefits to you). As agreed upon, we, to put it in maximal clarity and eloquence, are fucked. Enjoy this time now, it will be a forgotten dream in the flames of where we might as well call home. And what better way to spend our time, then in the arms of those who share our fate—we are brethren of our own unique order—such “incestuousness” is not only fitting, but a beauty home only to the human condition—a soft note in an orchestra of screams. The goal then is to live as only we know how: for the moment (present and on Earth). To procreate. The question I’m sure you are asking now is: Why bring more to the inferno—more goats to the slaughter?

But, alas, the issue; the difference between us and them—the lost and the new, the innocent. Where our souls have been lost to the selfishness required for self-sustainability in this world, they are more equipped for the next—helpless, meek, and purely ignorant. The fall of man was not born from innocence, but from the defiance of God’s will, a will enumerated beyond our comprehension (the 6## of laws of the Torah, the subjectively vague laws of the New Testament). The longer you live, the greater the chance of breaking one (let’s be honest, most of those laws). The longer you live, the greater the chance (let’s be honest, the inevitable) of breaking God’s will. Your extended life leads to the breaking of God’s will. The death of a child is no such impeachment. The death of a child is a direct pass to heaven—a get out of jail free card—a passing grade without taking the test—“Suffer the children;” don’t let your jealousy stand in the way.

To kill a child is without a doubt in direct conflict with God’s law—“Though shall not kill.” But, have we not agreed—are we not already fated to the torments, rather justices, of damnation? Let me speak to the child in you, the wishful thinking that imagines a lack of consequences, that denies cause and effect; imagine that we are not sentenced to death, and that for each of us there is still hope for salvation. It is now that I will show you what it means to be Christian. Whether you are reading this in its original form, the note in the crib where I left it, or in the police station, in the local newspaper, or on the internet, it is no question that I have sealed my fate in hell—you see we agree: I am sick, and justice should bring me crippling pain for no other reason than to bring feelings of security to the innocent (unfortunately, you are no innocent). Here is the disagreement: where you see wasteful murder, I see the embodiment of human’s greatest capacity for good, sacrifice (of course the greatest human good would require bloodshed and vanity; we are not ideals, we are human—a moment in space and time, objectively different from the perceptions of all angles). I am not speaking of the sacrifice of #7’s life for my faith or beliefs, but of my soul for his. Why this note now? I must admit, I am partial to symbols and metaphors. Jesus’ number is 7 and as he came known as a man he left known as God. And ever since then (#years) we have been awed by his indirect image—years, decades, over a millennium apart. Imagine the awe in person. #7 did not know of Jesus in this life, but he knows Jesus now (admittedly, I will not hide my jealousness). Do not pity that whose very being is now greater than you or I. As Jesus, he came as a potential sinner and left a god (unlike Jesus, there were six gods behind him). When does “life” start? This is no matter. When does sin become essential/inescapable? When is accountability viable? Destroy before this moment and you, the flaw of Earth, will have done something right. (What do you have to lose? Your soul? My friend, whose consciousness is the cause of my grievances, we both know it is already lost.) Forgive this Polemic. Allow me to explain.

We are told to be like Jesus—the innocent Son of man whose relevancy relies on his murder for the souls of others. The principle: sacrifice for others. Indeed many do try to live for this principle. Unfortunately, there is a hole in this attempt at the Christ-like-action—as many famous skeptics excitedly exclaim (despite the fact that their argument successfully brings light to their own waiting flames). The motivation is no, at base, for others, but for the promises of the everlasting gems of heaven: sacrifice today and see the benefits in death. Selfishness, if not more selfish than self-preservation in life, for its unreasonableness, its hidden premises (from others and oneself), and the quality and quantity of the aim (EVERLASTING LIFE!). Whereas Jesus had nothing to gain in death (his soul secure), we did and human attempts to mirror this activity have thus far been inherently faulty and meager—inescapable selfishness (I will explain how I am no different and why, in my case, it is no matter). No one attempts to claim that good works (obviously combined with sin) in one’s life justifies heaven or even not hell. Why live under the unspoken falsity that it does? I have my theories (cowardice being a front-runner), but they aren’t incredibly relevant at the moment). What is relevant? The inescapable presence of self-interest for one’s soul. “But we are not Christ!” you exclaim. Correct, the obligation to be “Christ-like” does not mean to be Christ. But note what has thusly been ignored: the distinction also shows how Christ’s actions, since He is essentially different, should not be held at the highest standard, that is, the ceiling. Jesus did the greatest action within His context. The greatest action of our context demands more than life, our souls. Ask yourself who has earned their rights in heaven with certainty?

Your hesitation is telling. What could better epitomize the principle of being Christ-like, self-sacrifice, than giving up the possibility (however fleeting) of the greatest imaginable end (EVERLASTING LIFE!) for another? But how can we know the cost of our soul could save another’s?

Jesus came and opened the gates of heaven for those who did not know him—are our children not given the same expectation? Think of others; the cost of our own souls should not be a wall to thought and options. But isn’t it possible for the child to grow up without sin? Do not the laws of probability somewhat demand this? Perhaps, but it is clear now that we are speaking of anomalies. The reward is the same for the worthy, we should not risk the greatest end when we do not have to.

I, like you, am the scum of creation; a one-time beauty allowed to rot in the imperfections of the human mind: I should not hide an interior motive as if this were not the case. The hope: perhaps there is room in heaven for a spiritual martyr. Clearly I am not following the laws of man; even clearer, I am not following the laws ordained for this land by God: Though shall not kill? But why? Why not? The call demand comes as a threat to the offender: OR ELSE! But, as a Christian, what should I care for me? That is the noblest principal: care not for you. I face the OR ELSE knowingly. But let’s be honest; we both know we all face the flames regardless of infanticide. Yes; but now, they shall not. Why? Because of me, and I have no doubts that when I face my final sentence, it shall be multiplied for every fated soul I stole from Satan’s grasp. I shall face my sins and what would have been there’s; the devil thinks not of justice but of vindictive revenge. Perhaps this defiance shall be recognized with the greatest gift of heaven… perhaps not. Behold my ever-present vanity. But it is no matter, to heaven they shall go. “If God is not good by the same token as I will call my brethren good, then to hell I shall go” and go regardless.

Do you doubt my Christianity? Read the Scripture; you will find no contradictions. In the days of early Christianity, they were slandered to have committed ritual infanticide. If only they had, and a thousands souls be saved. “Christians” have thus for protested abortion and women who have had them. But it is not their faces that deserve spit, but your mothers’, and theirs, and mine. But expect it back with due justice—the price of ignorance is a growing debt we will never fully pay nor flames escape.

If I shall fail in persuasion and fall a criminal, let them not call me a lunatic. Let them call me a Christian, and finally, recognize what that means. The advocation of neither “pro-choice” nor “pro-life,” but staunchly and reverently PRO-ABORTIONIST, that is Christ-like, that is Christian.

-The Anabaptizer